Crimson deluge
by princess-yama
Summary: “I’m so small.” He smiles, I can’t see his face, but I can read the silent smile in his broken voice. “You’re not though Yama, and you never will be.” chapter 6 an 7 up finaly, sorry about the wait.
1. Three steps

**Yes that's right, Tis I Queen of the world… so this is the first chap up, will start work on the next chapter tonight. Me hopes you enjoy. **

**I don't own Digimon, don't own Tai, should own Yama (If all was right in the world I would!)**

**Love takes more courage than most are able to exhibit- anonymous **

"Once I thought I loved you

It looks like I'm through

Yesterday you showed me

You never loved me to

Looks like a false dream

A fantasy un-true

Maybe I hated you

As you loved to do"

I was greeted with silence. He would have found so much humour in this situation, yet all I was able to find was a general feeling of emptiness and a sea of faces scarred by regret. _"Guilt burns you know." _I never understood what he'd meant by that, standing here now though, it's finally become clear.

Expectant faces stared up at me from where they sat. Every misty eyed member of this audience wanted something from me, something profound I presume. What am I supposed to say? An explanation as to why this has happened? I don't feel it's my place to stand here and preach to these people about the evil's that have lead to this situation meeting at its head here today. I can't find the answers for everyone, as it would appear that there is none. I find myself considerably lacking in words that can actually be said. There misery seems pathetically ironic through my eyes, so I see no reason to offer any sympathy for there tears.

"At least he won't have bad dreams anymore." I spoke with a bittersweet smile as I lost myself completely in a far too public breakdown for these people to deal with. "At least he's safe now." I chocked out. I was pushing my luck. I know I shouldn't, but some things need to be said aloud, simply for my own peace of mind, and the peace of mind of those who really did care. It won't really matter as no one will hear me; no one will understand what is being said through my tears.

I caught Hikari's eyes as she cried. With a smile she wished me to speak on. To say what she couldn't. I lost myself further with every tear. I wonder if it is in fact tears running down my face, or the colours from the masterpiece he had painted in my mind washing away as the realisation that this was my final chance to say goodbye slowly sunk in. His masterpiece ran in pathetic streaks down my cheeks as I offered this guilt ridden audience the most painful of false smiles I have ever managed. Nearly everyone sitting before me will have soon moved on, allowing him to rarely enter there minds. It's strange really, the way people seem only to care when it doesn't matter anymore. They all seem so distraught, so heartbroken by his supposedly sudden departure. Shame they didn't care enough to help when he was here, didn't think to maybe take the time to make it right.

"He was amazing, as very few of you are aware. He was captivating. An artist in ever sense of the word. Have you ever just sat still, and watched the rain as it fall's? He liked to do that, it was sort of his way of understanding how small we all really are. He was, and always will be everything to me." I caught his father's eye for just a moment and wanted to scream. "And you took him away from me." Although my voice was barely audible I know he head what I had just chocked out, and he knows that I'm right. "Want to know a secret?" my courage grew a little. I saw my friends, there pain was real, and there hearts had been broken by a monster. I saw my Mother. It broke my heart that little bit more to watch her cry as this all seemed a little too familiar for her. "If _you_ hadn't killed him." I had to stop for a moment as what I had just said registered on everyone's faces. "We would have been married in a couple of months, and as far away from here as possible."

I only had to take three steps down from where I stood, and then I was free to leave. Free to move on from all this shit. It was about time I left, about time I got as far away from this place as could. I'll leave here, head home, pack up, then I'll never come back, never look back again. It seems such a long way, three simple steps. I suppose that as soon as I've made it down those three steps my life is over really; he's really gone now, it's really over. It's all brand new once I've made it to the bottom, everything's different. Everything's changed now and yet it will be eternally covered in a mist of grief as I enter this sea of loneliness.

I take the first step. Unsure if I can go on any further.

I take the second step. _Why the hell did you take him away from me? You let him win, you let him fucking win. _I turn my head to say goodbye. I half expect to see him standing there behind me. That stupid grin on his face _"Can you fix my jeans again Yama'?" _The hole on his knee has come undone again from the last time I fixed it. One hand is covered in cookie dough, a letter for me in the other. A black eye and split lip, and yet still he managed to smile that smile of his. Unfortunately the other half of my mind was aware that he could never be there again. The picture of him in my mind was replaced with the reality of the situation; an open casket in an uncomfortable silence.

Everything that I once knew

It's over now

No you or I

Everything that once was mine

It's over now

No you and I

I took the final step, dried my tears on the back of his sleeve as I wore the only smart shirt he ever owned.

With a smile of pity directed towards his mother, I left, never looking back.

**Well, that's the end of that one, hope you likes. **

**Love an hugs to you all xxx**


	2. Memories

**Princess Yama here!**

**Chapter 2 done! Please read and review. **

**Still don't own Digimon or Tai or Matt- when I am rich though I will…..**

**Enjoy; **

_Beep_

The sound on my phone seemed to drone on forever as I waited to hear the new voice message I had been left.

"_You have one new message." _The mechanical voice informed me. _"First message." _

_Beep_

"Matt, give me a ring when you get this. Haven't heard anything from you for a while. Everyone's really worried about you man. Kari really needs you here."

_Beep_

"_End of message." _

The line went dead as I stared expectantly at my mobile, watching as though something amazing was going to happen. Nothing happened. It rang a few more times. I continued to ignore it, wishing the world away. It was Takeru, of course. I know he hurts too, but, his pain, it's different to mine. Mine's an open wound, one that I doubt will ever heal. He'll be fine, they all will. They'll get on with life, day by day; everything will get a little better for them. I don't see how exactly I'm supposed to move on, not without him. That's just not the way it's meant to be. Tai and matt, we've always come as a pair. Now it's just me, just Matt, it sounds so cold, so God damn lonely. I don't think I'm quite there yet. I'm not yet ready to completely admit to myself that I'm all alone in this world. I'm not yet ready to admit that I'm here without him. My God, I sound so pathetic. I'm wallowing in self pity, I'm an idiot really, I know it's true, I think however that I should be permitted this time. I should be aloud a little time to sit and cry, to think over my life, to contemplate my lack of future.

Fuck, I've just lost every part of me.

"_Yama', I'm sleepy, stop reading and come to bed."_

"I won't be a minute baby." I coo. _Shit Matt, your talking to yourself again, hearing thing, seeing things. He's lying on my bed, head propped up on my hands, watching every move I make with that dopy smile of his playing on his lips. His eyes are a little puffy, makes sense really, he's been crying for hours. It'll be ok now though, I can look after him here. He slides his head to the side, lying in a peaceful position, waiting to be held in my arms once again. _

"_A minutes too long, I'm lonely over here." He whines, stretching his muscular legs out behind himself._

"I'll just finish this page 'Chi, then I'll be ready for bed 'k?" I smile sweetly, sticking my tongue out slightly. _I love the way he smiles when he's half asleep. His lopsided smile's ironically innocent with full lips that just long to be kissed by mine as he pouts sweetly. _Fuck sake Matt. Get a hold of yourself. I shake my head, wishing everything back to normal.

I should sleep really. Guess I haven't slept properly for a while now, about two weeks in fact, but then, it's hard you know, to sleep without him in my arms.

X

"YA-MA-TO!" Takeru sang out on entering the kitchen. "ARE-YOU-COM-ING-OUT-TO-PLAY?"

"Why are you taking like that?" Matt sighed at his younger brother's antics as he marched around the kitchen table, using his hat as a drum.

"TRY-OUTS-FOR-THE-MARCH-ING-BAND-TOM-OR-ROW" He continued the odd display, marching and banging with no particular rhythm.

"Well that's great, go practice some place else."

"But you haven't answered my question yet." Takeru slumped onto the seat opposite Matt's, replacing his hat onto his head, struggling to pull it down over his large mess of blond hair.

"T.K I'm working. See?" he motioned to the pile of books placed before him.

"English assignment's due in tomorrow an I've only just started." He took a swig of his coffee and decided to ignore his brother and just get on with the work load.

"But it's a really nice day, wouldn't you rather do your English stuff outside. Besides, Tai just called and he wants to go out."

"Well Tai should stay at home because he also has homework to do, so you call him back and tell him, from me, that he's staying in until he's finished all his homework, then we can go out, ok?"

"What are you, his Mother? Anyway, he's already downstairs waiting for us." T.K blushed, knowing his brother would be mad at him for about an hour, but that he'd still come out as his best friend was downstairs.

"T.K, I have homework to do." He growled.

"Yea' but Tai has an art project to do, an he wants to paint you." The younger boy pouted. "Bring your homework, we can go down to the lake, then you and Tai can do your work and the rest of us can take the boat out for a bit. PWLEEASEEE?"

"I hate you." Matt hissed, pulling his shoes onto his feet.

"I know, see you in a minute." T.K grinned, skipping off out the kitchen and down the stairs to there Mothers café.

"Fuck sake." Matt sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair he stifled a yawn and slipped on his other shoe.

X

Seriously, why do I bother? It hurts so much to remember, but everything would seem so empty if I were to forget. I remember that day so well. It was so hot. On reaching the bottom of the stairs I noticed Tai, smiling up at me. His left eye bruised, his bottom lip spilt. He didn't wear a top as it was far too hot, he was always running around, only ever sitting still to paint or draw something that caught his attention. Turning to leave I noticed bruising, running from the top of his spin to the bottom, the occasional random bruise placed either side. That's the first time I really acknowledged it. I loved him, I always had, and I knew in that instance that I always would.

X

"What happened?" Yamato breathed on reaching the bottom of the stairs. Staring deep into Taichi's eyes he allowed a sympathetic smile to grace his features.

"I fell down the stairs." Tai answered bluntly, grabbing his best friend by the arm, he gave him a look that Matt knew too well. _No questions no lies. _"Come on, I need to paint you." He skipped merrily, waving at Takeru and Yamato's mother, Mrs Ishida, as she passed the boy's a picnic basket to take with them to the lake.

"Thanks Mom." Matt smiled.

"Don't be late home ok. Are you staying tonight Tai?" She raised an eyebrow at her son as she eyes Taichi's battered body.

"He will be yeah." Matt nodded before the slightly younger boy had a chance to answer.

"And Hikari?"

"Please." Tai smiled. Mrs Ishida had always been somewhat a saviour for the Yagami children. Every time shit got too much for them at home, her door was always open, and an extra place was always set at the dinner table for them both. Whenever they needed money as there Father had spent it all on drugs and alcohol, there was always jobs that needed to be done at the café just so they had enough to get by. It was an unspoken agreement they shared. She knew not to ask questions, as she would receive no answers, but Tai knew she understood. "Come on Yama! Let's go go go!" He sung excitedly. "Can we go on the boat? You know, after we've finished our work? Oh yeah, and can I copy your English assignment once you've finished?" He chatted excitedly as they met up with the others outside and began walking.

"You can have my first draft, I wrote it in your style, so all you need to do is copy it up in your handwriting."

"You're the best Yama!" Tai wrapped his arm round his best friend as they walked. Yamato accepted this sign of affection graciously and also wrapped his arm round Tai's waist, not ever wanting to let go as Tai skipped excitedly chatting more to himself than anyone else.

"You're staying at ours tonight Kari." Yamato informed his younger brother's girlfriend. A sombre look on her face, she tried her best to smile in reply.

"Where are we meeting the others?" T.K questioned his girlfriend speaking softly. It amazed Matt, the way his brother could change his whole persona to suite different situations in an instant. Just moments before he had been marching around the kitchen, shouting and banging as loudly as he could. Now though, his face was gentle, his voice soft and compassionate.

"They're already at the lake." She managed an actual smile as T.K kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Your Mom pack us any cake?"

"Probably 'Chi."

X

_If I wished upon my falling star_

_That you were in my arms_

_Could I tell you of my secret wish_

_And hold you for a while?_

How he did it, I'll never know. No matter how bad it got, he still smiled. He still danced and sung and lived. If I had been him, I don't think I would have been able to cope. Shit, he was amazing. No matter how bad it was, he was always there. He would have rather helped me out with something than ask for my help. I can't help but think now, is this all my fault? Could I have done more to help him? He was so helpless, so lost. All I really did to help was to love him. But did that really help? Or did it just make things worse? Christ, loving me, he had more than just himself and Hikari to think about. Did I just make everything so much worse for him?

X

"Your beautiful, you know that Yama?" Taichi asked, running his dry paintbrush across his best friend's nose.

"Shut up Tai, the sun's gone to your head." Yamato ignored this advance and continued scrawling out his English work onto the pad of paper before him.

"I mean it Yama, you're really quite beautiful."

"'Chi, shut up and get on with your work." Yamato grinned slightly at the look of bemusement of Tai's face as he retuned to his easel.

"I still think you're beautiful." He mumbled continuing to examine Yamato as he painted.

"And I you." Matt glanced over at there younger siblings playing on the boat along with there friends, Mimi, Sora and Daisuke. Hikari had let down her guard of discomfort and was now joining in the games as the two boys rowed round and round the lake while Mimi stood singing along to her portable stereo.

X

You know, it breaks my fucking heart. It really does.

X

"Yama..?" Tai didn't look up from his easel as he spoke.

"Yeah?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"You know I can."

"I love you."

"I love you to."

Auburn eyes met crystal blue as he stepped towards Yamato. He lent down and kissed him softy.

"Just thought you should know."

"I've always known baby."

**And that's the end of the second chapter. Sorry it's not to good, I'll edit it at some point.**

**Love and hugs**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x **


	3. Meeting

**Chapter three here.**

**I still don't own Digimon.**

**Anyone want to give me the rights though, that would be rather nice of you.**

_Just a moment's wonder_

_I as if your still there_

_Another moment's wonder_

_Do you still maybe care?_

_Take my hand_

_Enlaced in yours_

_Fingers reaching out_

_Cross them over_

_Still hold on_

_I'm always out of reach_

_Yet another wonder_

_Did I tell you how it is?_

_Another moments wonder_

_Can you really see right through?_

_Hold me now_

_Inside your arms_

_Don't let go_

_Breathe this in_

_And just see me_

_You're somehow out of reach_

_Take a moments wonder_

_And ask if I still care_

_Another moment's wonder_

_Maybe I'm still there_

_Yagami, Taichi_

"Hey." I breathe, not entirely trusting my own voice. Why did I do this? I should have just left it. I'm not ready to talk to anyone. I guess I must need to though; otherwise I would never have picked the phone up.

"Matt?" A small glimmer of hope was obvious in her voice. I hate this, I can't believe how selfish I am.

"Yea' it's me. How's it all going?" Maybe I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have called.

"It's ok. Would be better if you came home though."

"I can't." Not yet.

"I know. Can I see you?" This is so hard. Her voice, I barely recognise it. It's so harsh, so raw. This isn't the girl I left behind, she's different now. We're all different.

"Yea'." My voice deceives me. I feel tears begin to sting the corners of my eyes before they fall silently. "Just you though."

"That's ok. Where are you?"

"Hishori village. There's a café, near the train station."

"I can get there for five."

"Ok, I'll see you then." She hesitated for a moment. "How you holding up?"

"Fine. Don't tell anyone where I am."

"Ok. See you soon Matt."

"See you Kari."

The line goes dead.

"_Why you crying Yama?"_

"I'm just a little tired baby, don't worry."

What am I thinking? He's not here. _He stands from the bed, wearing only his jeans. His hair's a little crumpled having only just woken._

"_Who was that on the phone?" he wraps me in his arms. He's so warm. Running his thumb across my cheek he dries my silent tears, kisses away the stains they have left behind. "See, no need to cry, I'm here to keep you happy." He smiles, coming round to face me, he kneels before me on the floor, enlacing my fingers with his own. _

"It was just Kari." Stop It Matt. I shake my head, trying to break free of this fantasy. No point in dreaming, no point in trying to believe he's still here.

X

"You boy's have a nice picnic?" Mrs Ishida beamed as Tai and Matt came crashing excitedly through the door's into the café, closely followed by there younger siblings.

"T.K caught a fish!" Tai sang, dancing excitedly as he clung onto Yamato's hand.

"But Kari made me put it back." He slumped into the closest booth.

"You weren't going to eat it so no point in killing it." She protested.

"Hikari's right T.K." His mother smiled as she brought them all a drink over.

"It was huge!" Tai exclaimed. Stretching his arms out to insinuate the idea that the fish was about as big as he was. "You should have seen it Mrs Ishida, it would have feed us all for about a month."

"I'm sure it would Tai." She laughed. "Did you get your painting finished?" she motioned to the large canvas placed on his lap. He held it up proudly for her to see. Taken aback slightly she starred for a moment. The painting showed Yamato, lying topless in long grass surrounded by the occasional daisy. Writing in his English book he had a look of deep concentration playing in his crystal eyes mixed with a slight twinge of irritation. The picture showed an amazing likeness to the boy. A lot of care had obviously been taken, no detail forgotten, not even the lightest of freckles that ran along the top of his arms. "It's beautiful." She sighed.

"Of course it is, it's Yama." He answered with a smug grin.

"You look more like your father every day." With a bitter sweet smile directed at her son, she walked off to show a family who had just entered to a booth.

X

My mom's still got that painting. Once Tai was done with it at school he gave it to her as a gift, along with another one of me, T.K and Hikari, all lying on our backs, watching the clouds.

X

"Come on Tai, it's time for bed." Matt pulled his best friend up from the sofa. A light groan of protest left Tai's lips as he was removed from the comfort zone he had been collapsed in for about two hours.

"But I'm not sleepy." He yawned, trying to hide it behind his hand a small giggle escaped.

"Sure your not." Matt pulled him along the hall to the room they often shared. Undressing immediately Tai fell into the bed and snuggled into the covers clinging onto Matt's Tiger teddy while Matt was still changing. "Told you you were sleepy." Yamato arched an eyebrow. Climbing in beside him he switched the light off. A secret smile fell onto his lips as he allowed Tai to move his attention from he tiger and onto him; he wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller boy, holding him tight. Listening to him breathe.

"Yama. Be mine." Tai mumbled into his chest.

"I am yours 'Chi."

"You know what I mean."

"Yea' an I am yours."

"Are you sure?"

"Always and forever baby." He kissed his forehead lightly and let him drift off to sleep.

X

"Matt?" I was late, only about five minutes, but from the look of it Hikari's already been here a while. Jumping from where she sat she wrapped her arms around me. I almost didn't recognise her. Her usually pretty features were puffy and soar from crying. Her Green eyes blood shot, I presume from a mixture of both the crying and the coffee, as five empty cups were already lined before her. Holding her in my arms I waited before I spoke. I waited as she cried. She waited as I cried. I guess we must look a complete mess to anyone else in here. I needed this though. I needed a chance to cry. To have someone hold me and tell me it's going to be alright. I think I'd held so much inside of myself, it was almost like a rush, everything seemed to come flooding from me at once.

"You're a mess." She chocked out, taking in my appearance as she sat back down.

"You don't look much better yourself." I forced a broken smile, through my teary eyes.

"Can I get you anything?" A large waitress approached us. An apprehensive smile on her face.

"Just a couple more coffee's please." I hand her some money, returning my attention to Kari. "How's everything going at home?"

"It's all falling apart." She sighed, dropping her head into her hands I put my arm around her, offering what little comfort I can. "Mom's a mess. Dad's been taken in."

"They've arrested him?" I look up, hope coursing through my veins.

"Not for _that._ For vandalism. I need your help Matt."

"With?"

"If we want him put away for good, you'll have to be the key witness."

"Do we have to talk about this right now!" I explode. "Shit Hikari! At the moment I couldn't care less. There's nothing more he can fucking do to us. I mean what else can he do? He's taken everything! Fucking everything. And you… You want me to stand up and shout to the world about what he's done. Alright… I've lost everything Hikari, fucking everything. I have nothing! Tai has** gone**, he's not here anymore. My whole God damn world has been ripped from beneath my feet. He's really gone. " Shit.

"I know." Her voice was soft.

"He's really gone hasn't he…" I whisper as she takes me into her arms. Running a hand across my hair she allows me to cry, allows me to hurt. "He's never coming back."

X

"What's you doing?"

"Just thinking 'Chi."

"About what?"

"I don't know."

"Wanna know what I'm thinking about?"

"Sure."

"You." He kissed Matt on the cheek with a small grin.

X

I guess he's really not coming back.

"I'll help." I breath, knowing full well that this will be the hardest thing I'll ever do.

**That's the end of that then. Sorry it's crap, an rather disjointed promise the next chapter will be better. Love an hugs xxxxxxxxxx**


	4. Home

**Chapter four here, me hopes you like.**

**Still don't own Digimon.**

"You sure you can do this Matt?" Am I sure? Of course I'm not. I don't think I can do this Kari. I stood there at his funeral, I spoke from my heart, but I spoke between the lines. My information was dis-jointed, un-explained, yet still, I felt as though a knife was being twisted in my stomach, as though I were waiting, standing on the edge ready to be pushed. She expects me now to stand before a similar audience, all the same faces, yet a slightly different reason for there gathering and tell them all the truth? I know I should. I should do whatever I can to put this right, but, can I really do it? It's not like it can be put right now, he's gone, the damage is done. If he were here, standing by my side, then I could, if I had him there to hold my hand, I'd have the courage to stand up for what I know is right, yet, without him, it seems impossible.

"Yea' I'm sure." Why do I allow myself to lie so bluntly?

"Thank-you, call me ok, when you're going to come home." Go home? Where is home? Back to the room we used to share? The caravan we spent so many nights in? Here? There? Wherever I go it won't be home, what's a home without him to share it with? "Matt."

"Yeah."

"Happy birthday." A little bit of Hikari seems to shine through that smile. It's not false, it's not forced, it's sweet, it's easy. She's got so much of him in her, she doesn't even know it.

"Thanks Kari."

"He knew Yama, you know, that he didn't have much time left."

"Kari don't." Why is she saying this? I know this. I planned it all with him. I helped him choose the flowers, the church; I went with him to talk to the vicar about what he wanted. I sat and watched as he scrawled out an endless supply of poetry, trying to choose the perfect one. I was there. I was there when he picked out the outfit he wanted to be buried in. I was there when we went to bye the locket he wanted round his neck, when we took the photo of the two of us to put inside. I was there through it all. I held his hand through every hospital appointment. I was there when he announced he couldn't go on for much longer. I was there when they rushed him to hospital. I was always there.

"No matt, listen to me. He knew he wouldn't make it to your birthday." I feel tears sting my eyes once again as I watch as if through a mirror hers reflect my own. "He wanted me to give you this." She hands me a package. What the hell? I can feel my own heart break once again. He really was amazing; it would appear that despite him no longer being here, he still is. No one really knew him, no one but me.

"What is it?" I almost don't want to open it. He took so much care wrapping this final gift, made it a piece of art in every sense of the word.

_Yama,_

_I'm not all that sure how to write this. I guess this will be coming to you from beyond the grave- ohhh spooky. Sorry, you know me, never serious._

_I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. So, Happy birthday Yama. Thank you for loving me, for always loving me. Thank you for needing me, and believing in me whenever I lost all hope. _

_I'm really sorry, you know that don't you? I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, every tear you've cried for me, every time I broke your heart. _

_I'm really sorry. You probably think I'm a fool for apologising so much. I'm so sorry._

_Shit, this is terrible; I really don't know how to write this. _

_I love you; I love you so fucking much. You're the only reason I made it so long, you know that? I would have given up a long time ago, but I held out as long as I could, just to watch you smile. I like to do that, to watch you smile. You're so pretty when you do, so you shouldn't frown so much. Damn, I'm crying now, sorry Yama._

_I don't want to go, but, what choice do I have. Don't you worry though; I'm going to heaven because I'm a good boy, so I'll put in a good word for you. You know, ask God to let you up, even though you're a little reckless sometimes, your one of the good guys really. So, yeah, I'll ask God to save you a spot._

_Shit, this is so hard. I'm not sure if I should say something significant, or just ramble on, you know, the way I always do? I love you, I love you, I love you. I don't have enough pieces of paper to let you know how much I love you, but hell, you should already know. I always loved you, since the day I met you, you were my world, my universe, my everything. _

_I love you, happy birthday; keep me in your heart. Please, never forget me._

_Thank you, for, well everything._

_I love you_

_Xxxxx_

"What's he say?

"Everything." I smile. "And yet somehow, nothing at all, true Taichi style really."

"You going to open that?" she motions to the gift, wrapped in my hand. If he were here; if he himself had handed me this gift I would have instantly ripped the paper off, dove straight in with eager anticipation. I want to cry, I am crying, but, I want to cry, to fall to my knee's and scream to God, pleading for him to let Tai come home, I can't though. As tear's fall from my empty eyes, I can't help but smile. Fiddling with the blue ribbon tied carefully around the box, I look up, staring Hikari straight in the eyes.

"Let's go home." I smile, taking her by the hand.

X

"I have a gift." Taichi announced on entering Yamato's room.

"That's nice 'Chi, who got you a present?" Yamato asked, not lifting his eyes from the history text book resting on his lap.

"I got it, for you." He beamed.

"Didn't you just go to the supermarket with Mom though?" he arched an eyebrow, looking up at the grinning boy who had now made himself comfortable at the end of the bed. Matt's tiger teddy sitting in his lap, he continued to grin like the deranged teen he was. Expecting some form of cake, Yamato put his book down and eyed his boyfriend sceptically.

"Not just the supermarket. We went to the mall because your Mom needed to get T.K a few more things for his birthday. I got him something to, I got him a new T-shirt, its black with Yellow writing and it say's 'The little voices make more intellectual conversation than you so if it look's like I'm interested in what your saying it's because I'm not listening' cool huh?" He laughed holding the top up for Matt to examine.

"Right, you're odd." Yamato decided it was best to leave Tai to ramble on without making much of a response.

"No I'm not. Do you want your present?" He beamed once again, clearly very proud of himself.

"Sure."

"Come on Yama, try and sound a little more excited than that."

"Gimme, Gimme!" He squealed sarcastically like a girl, amusing Tai greatly.

"You're silly." He giggled, holding out a little black bag, silver ribbon tied around the top. Undoing the ribbon Matt instantly tied it round his wrist.

"Why'd you do that?"

"It's the little things that count Chi." Matt smiled, leaning forward and kissing him lightly. Shrugging out of confusion Tai waited excitedly, hoping Matt would like his gift. "Wow…" he breathed on opening the small box inside the bag. "It's beautiful Chi." Finding himself rather lost for words he starred down at the box, admiration playing in his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tai smiled, turning himself and Henry the tiger round so that he could lean comfortably against his blond lover. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." He pulled Tai into his body, wrapping him tightly in his arms.

X

"Matt." T.K breathed as I entered the café, Hikari standing at my side. A meal is placed in front of him, I think it's been there a while, nothing's been eaten, but everything on the plate has been re-arranged a few times. "Shit, you look a mess."

"Thanks, missed you to bro'." I spoke sarcastically. He's exactly the same as he's always been, I guess that's why I love him.

"My God, it's good to see you man." He wrapped me in his arms. I don't think my brother has ever held me like this before. I need it though, I have missed him, I've missed him like hell. "Where've you been?" he broke away, staring me intensely in the eye. It's like looking into a mirror, a broken mirror.

"Just around." I shrug.

"I'll leave you two to it." Hikari smiled, kissing her boyfriend before turning to leave. "Thanks for coming home Matt." With that she left, leaving me and T.K to sit opposite each other, staring vacantly at one another.

"How are you?" Clearly unsure of what to say, T.K stammers with his words, shaking slightly.

"Not too good." No point in lying I suppose, it's T.K, he'll see straight through anything I say that isn't true.

"Understandable." He muses; pushing his food around the plate he looks up and offers me a sympathetic smile.

"What about you?"

"Not too good."

"Understandable." I offer a smile in return, repeating his response.

"We've missed you, everything's such a mess here. "

"Yea' Hikari said."

"How'd she find you?" He asks, confusion in his eyes.

"It's Hikari, she can do anything."

"Yea'." He shrugs. "How you coping, you know, without him?"

"I'm not."

X

"Did he like it?" Mrs Ishida asked as the two boys entered the kitchen.

"Yup." Tai grinned, pulling at the necklace round Matt's neck to show T.K. "Be right back." Tai ran off in the direction of the bathroom, leaving the Ishida family to stare after him.

"He really loves you." Mrs Ishida smiled at her son while making the finishing touches to dinner.

"I love him too." Matt grinned sheepishly.

X

Nothing seems to have changed, life goes on, everything's always the same. People move on, get on with there lives, on the outside at least. Everything look's the same, exactly the same as the day I left. My room's the same, pictures still rest above the fireplace that I don't think ever worked, mine and his. Homework's still pilled on my desk, both mine and his. My wardrobe's still full of clothes, mine and his. Shoes are still lined up against the wall, mine and his. His easel is still set up in front of the window, the pictures still not finished. Mine and his. Everything in this room is mine and his, from an outsider's view it would look as though he were still here, as though he's just popped out for a few minutes. Maybe that's how it is in my mind, as though, he's just popped out, but he'll be back. He will, won't he?

"_Yama, you look confused?"_

"I am baby."

"_Why?"_

"You know, it's like your still here." I smile, placing a kiss on his forehead as he sits painting.

"_I'll always be here silly."_ Reaching into my bag I pull out his gift, carefully pulling off the ribbon I tie it round my wrist to accompany the now old and worn silver one.

X

"I can't take this anymore." Tai sobbed, climbing through the window from Yamato's balcony.

"Tai?" he sat up, dazed from sleep. "What are you doing here; I thought you were staying at home?" Reaching out to turn his bedside lamp on Tai grabbed his hand, trembling with fear.

"Don't turn it on." He cried. "I don't want you to see me."

"What happened?" Matt took the boy into his arm's cradling him as he shook.

"It's too much Yama."

X

_Forever we shall be, simply you and me. Eternity. _

A silver ring with those words engraved inside.

"Shit Tai, you break my fucking heart."

**Well, that's the end of that one, next Chap will be up soon, but I'll warn you all now, it's gonna be a hard one.**

**Please Review, I like reviews.**

**Love an hugs xxxxx**


	5. The beggining of the end

**Chapter 5 here**

**Still don't own Digimon**

**In my innocence I exhibit a truth universally known- innocence is a lie**

There are certain things that certain people know; these are called secrets I suppose. Lies are told, intricate alibis are created. A web is spun, mixed with both the truth and the fantasy of said situation, because of this, things become distorted, the truth almost impossible to un-wind. Who's going to believe a word I say? I could simply be considered another alibi, just one more person who got mixed up in all of this, unsure of what it is I'm actually saying. I'm just the broken party, the one who was left behind, searching frantically for someone to blame. What if, they will ask, there is no one to blame? I should just give up, get on with my life, get over everything that's happened. Maybe I should blame myself, blame no-one, blame anyone I come into contact with. Who's to say that I'm telling the truth? Maybe I'm lying; maybe I'm the one with the secret, trying to hide the truth.

No ones going to believe a word I say.

"_Yama, it's late, get some sleep baby."_

"I'm not tired."

Where should I begin in this tale I have to tell? Logically the beginning, but where exactly is that? To the best of my knowledge there is no beginning, no middle, I thought there was an end, but I'm starting to think otherwise. If there were an end then none of this would be happening, it would have finished by now. I wonder if there is such a thing as 'The End'?

"_You're going to make yourself sick."_

"How'd you figure that one?"

"_You're not eating, sleeping, your not taking care of yourself Yama, what's wrong?"_

"I'm trying my hardest not to breathe."

X

"One, Two, miss a few, Ninety-nine, One-hundred! Ready or not here I come!" Tai called out to his friend.

"'Chi, that's cheating." Yamato stated.

"Oh well, where's everyone hiding?" He whispered into Matt's ear.

"I'm not telling you, go look for them."

"Ok." He smiled, and skipped off to find his hiding friends.

Yamato laughed to himself as he watched his boyfriend skip off into the distance. _How is it _he wondered _that he can exhibit such innocence with everything he lives through? How is it possible that he can laugh and smile, as though nothing is wrong?_

"Found you!" Tai sang as T.K was revealed from his hiding place inside a broken rowing boat.

"Aww man, you suck." T.K moaned as he climbed out of the boat. Joining Tai on his search they both disappeared into the wooded area surrounding the lake.

"Hey." Izzy appeared behind Matt as he sat watching.

"Hey, you alright Izzy'?" He sat beside his friend and laughed as Tai slipped on some mud. T.K caught him just before he fell, which made them both end up falling head first.

"Yea' I'm good thanks, how's Tai doing?"

"Yama! I fell did you see? It really hurts!"

"I saw baby. You alright?" He called to his now rather dirty lover.

"I'll be fine. Hey Izzy" He waved, dragging T.K off.

"Who knows, he seems fine, outwardly, but, it's the little things, you know?" Yamato voiced his concerns to the redhead.

"Tai's a great actor, he's spent his whole life pretending everything's O.k., you're the only one who knows what he's really feeling."

"Truthfully." Matt sighed, running a shaky hand through his blond locks. "He's a mess, I don't know what to do, he doesn't know what to do, it's all going to shit. He hasn't been very well lately which doesn't really help."

"Don't worry man, everything'll work out."

X

Broken smiles

Broken lies

Broken tears

Just to let you know

I've broken

That was our last day of innocence, our last day of childhood.

X

"MOM!" Yamato screamed. "MOM GET IN HERE **NOW**!"

"What's wrong? Shit." She breathed on seeing Tai lay lifeless in her son's arms.

"Call a fucking ambulance!" Matt cried, cradling Tai in his arms. "Wake up 'Chi, Christ wake up, this isn't funny Tai. Wake up, fucking wake up!"

"Ambulance please."

"Mom, he's burning up, what the hell's going on?"

X

Everything seemed to move in slow motion, yet it all happened so fast. There was so much noise, so much fucking noise.

X

The beginning of the end.

X

"Where am I?" Tai's voice was barely audible above the whirring of all the machines attached to his angelic body. "Yama?"

"I'm here."

"You've been crying, why were you crying?" He whispered, enlacing his fingers with those of the boy beside him.

"You haven't been very well baby, I was really worried." Yamato considered explaining what had happed, yet worried his lack of medical knowledge would leave his explanation somewhat flawed.

"I'm, ok, don't worry." Tai pulled Yamato to his side as kissed his softly on the lips.

"Taichi." A doctor regarded him on entering the room.

"Hi, why am I here?" He beamed, showing his usual attitude to life.

"Taichi, would you like your parents in here with you, we need to discuss something very important."

"No, I want Yama in here with me." He stubbornly stated.

"This may be something you'd prefer to have your parents with you for." The doctor tried to reason. "As a pose to a friend. This is very important." He motioned at Matt.

"No, I want Yama here; he's the only one that means a damn thing to me in this world. I love him, I want him here." Turning to his friend panic was evident in Tai's eyes. "What's going on?"

"I don't know baby." Matt squeezed his hand, attempting to offer a little re-assurance.

"I'll take it you two are together?"

"Yeah, for nearly a year." Tai smiled proudly.

"Have you ever engaged in intercourse?" the doctor asked, keeping a level tone.

"What's it got to do with you?"

"Taichi, this isn't going to be easy." He began. "My name is Dr. Weiga, I've been your doctor throughout your stay here, we've run a few tests while you've been here to find out why you've been un-well. Taichi, you've been un-knowingly suffering from an infection known as H.I.V, unfortunately, this has progressed into AIDS, acquired, immune deficiency syndrome. This means-"

"What the fuck!" Tai exploded, staring the doctor straight in the eye. His eyes turned a dark murky colour as this information sunk in. The hairs on his arms all stood on end as his body began to shake in a mixture of anger, fear and disbelief.

"Taichi, please let me explain."

"I fucking know what it is, and what it does, fuck off, get the fuck out of this fucking room!" Tears streamed from his eyes as his outburst continued. Yamato starred vacantly, shock absorbing into his entire body.

"Yama?" Tai whispered, pulling him closer. "Am I dying?"

X

How was I supposed to answer? Yes 'Chi, you are. He sat for a moment, I watched as his heart broke, as he broke.

**Damn it, why did I start this? I don't like making Tai cry, or Yama, I am mean. Well, that's the end of another one, please review me.**

**Love an hugs **

**Princess-Yama**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	6. without you

The beauty hidden beneath your lie,

My God, it breaks my heart to only know

I'll admit that, yes, I do

And, yes, I am

Do I even have a choice?

I can see, you're no where near

And I miss it, this thing I never had

You were beautiful. "Were" it sounds so final.

I watched this morning,

The sun rose, as though from no where it appeared before me.

As time went by, the rain began to fall,

I stood outside as this happened,

Hoping that just one drop could be a tear of yours

Just one drop could offer the warmth I so desperately need.

I walked in the rain,

To the places only we knew,

Yet everyone could see.

The only wonder left of mine,

How long is left to play?

I'll admit, I need to know.

Lying here now I can see it all,

And sadly nothings left.

The sky, my God, It's amazing.

The warm air, that comes only after a storm embraces me,

Allowing every kiss you left to run freely across my body.

It's all so empty though.

It's all bleak and un-forgotten without you.


	7. Speaking

6

"Hey." A husky voice whispered, full of sleep. Tears stung the corners of Taichi's eyes from the night before as he opened them up to the harsh morning sunlight.

"Morning beautiful." Yamato whispered back, tilting himself upwards to kiss his brown haired lover.

"You got your results yet?"

"Not yet baby."

X

Waiting, that's the worst part really, waiting to discover your fate, to discover the truth. I had some selfish notion running through my mind, wishing that I too were infected, that I could go with him, join him on this journey of inwards destruction. I didn't want to be left behind, left to live a life without him. I didn't tell him this of course, but I'm sure he knew. To think back now, it was so pathetic, wishing myself away as he wished himself to re-appear. It was as though some magnetic force were trying to pull us together, yet the magnets were opposing each other, repelling, pushing me further and further away. He held my hand, and tried with all his might to smile, to keep me smiling, it was a lost cause, what hope did we honestly have?

X

"Yamato Ishida to room 103 please." The voice crackled over the intercom, daring him to discover his fate.

X

"Interview complete at…" The officer checked his watch and sighed. "Ten fifty three." With that he clicked his finger on the tape recorder, momentarily ending the ordeal I had chosen to put myself through.

"Thank-you." I nodded, preparing myself to leave I stood and forced a smile.

"Wait a minute Ishida." He beckoned for me to sit back down opposite him as he studied my face. "Your really not lying are you." An ironic smile played on his lips, as if he were unsure whether to laugh out of horror or to cry, feeling the weight of this new information falling like hail stones all around him. His deep green eyes appeared to bore into my soul, yet his soft, slightly aging features offered condolence for my fears.

"Why bother lying?" I quirked an eyebrow, wondering what it was he was trying to say exactly.

"Do you a have a photo?"

"Yea'." Reaching into my pocket I pulled out my wallet, opening it a bittersweet smile formed on my lips, pulling tight against the mussels in my face. I held out the picture of us both and showed him.

"You both look so happy." He almost whispered, fingering the photo tenderly. "Did your sexuality act in anyway as a motive for his father?" his voice changed back to a business like tone, as though he were scolding himself for the feelings that run through him towards my situation.

"The only thing that motivated him to the best of my knowledge was Tai's very existence." Still staring at our photo, I couldn't help but feel a little proud. "Beautiful wasn't he?" I asked rhetorically, a dream

like tone to my voice.

"Where's his sister living? I'll need to speak with her."

"She's at mine, living with my brother." Feeling a sudden need to take this man into our lives I smiled, knowing he was the one who would do all he could to help us. "Feel free to come round, my Mom will make you tea, she likes to have guests, and everyone will be more than willing to help with you investigation, we've all lived this, so yea'.." I trail off, not sure how to continue, wondering what had come over me to make me so welcoming of this stranger.

"You're a brave kid."

"Not as brave as 'Chi."

Contemplate the freedom honesty is supposed to bring. Consider how it would feel to have the weight of the world lifted momentarily from your shoulders, then dropped back only seconds later with a raw sense of harrowing reality. That's how I feel at this precise moment in time. I should be feeling liberated, care free, full of life and energy, however, in a way, I feel almost guilty. I've revealed a secret I swore to keep; I've revealed it too late. Finally I've over come my own fears, over come his for him, but it's all too late, what actual difference is it going to make now? This should help me to move on, help me to get over everything once a verdict has been reached, yet, it seems only to be pulling me further into my own darkness.

Handing back my wallet I stare longingly at the picture, we sat on the grass, just outside our caravan. He sat between my legs as I wrapped my arms lovingly around his slender frame, holding onto him, holding onto every little bit of hope we could find.

X

Having awoken sharply from a nightmare Yamato fell into Tai's arms, sweat and tears mixed over his body, leaving a slightly bitter stench to hang in the air.

"Tai." He whimpered, burying his head into his bare chest.

"Yama, stop crying silly." Taichi whispered, allowing Yamato to cry in his arms. "There's no time for crying, we've got stuff to do."

"Fuck Tai, How? Tell me please how I'm meant to stop?" Although his words seemed angry his voice was soft, almost whispered. "Tai, I'm so fucking scared, every minute passes us by, every second, an we're meant to be enjoying it, but, I can't, every second means we're one second closer to the fucking end. I was there, just… looking down." He bit down hard on his lip as the memories from his dream flooded into his consciousness. "Shit Tai, you were gone, and it's going to happen. You're going to be gone." Confusion raced though his mind as he contemplated the end. "There's so much to do, an we need to do it all, everything, we need to do everything, live through everything, experience every stupid fucking detail." Staring up at Tai, bleary eyed, he forced himself to look down apologetically. "Sorry." He mumbled, pulling Tai closer.

"Are you done?" A warm smile was painted on Taichi's lips, his eyes full of love and understanding.

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

"Well, I hope you are. Sit up." Tai whispered. Responding immediately Yamato bolted into an upright position, facing away from Tai he found himself slumping back into his arms. Playing sweetly with the blond hair that fell around his best friends face, Tai sighed, the warm scent of his breath tickled the other boy's neck. "You know how I want to spend everyday we have left?" He smiled a smile that Yamato would never see, one he would never understand. "Just like this. I want to do stupid things, get excited over nothing. I want to lie here with you. I want to carry on like normal."

"But it's not normal anymore 'Chi."

"You think I need reminding of that?"

"Marry me."

"What?" Disbelief danced blissfully through both of their eyes. Kissing Tai passionately, Yamato gasped. Feeling there lips brush together; all sense of understanding was lost. Yamato ran his tongue gently along Tai's lips, then desperately, needing to be physically close, there bodies entwined as they tried to discover each other, wanting to miss out not a single detail. Un-co-ordinated hands ran over bodies, searching every ripple of skin, every curve, every bone. An almost violent display occurred on that bed. Kisses were planted on every available surface, hungry kisses full of love, full of lust, full of need. Coated in a film of tears, they searched for meaning in one another, searched for an answer they knew they'd never find.

"Please." Yamato gasped. "Please 'Chi." Desperation, passion, longing surged through every fibre of his being.

"Yes." Jerking suddenly away from each other, both boy's stared, un-sure of how to go on in that moment.

"What?"

"YES!" Tai shouted, his eyes gleaming. "I will marry you." He spoke in a slightly softer tone, laughing hysterically though he knew he should be crying.

X

Cut into three my broken heart

Left and wrong and in between

Cleanse with tears you left behind

Inside out I'll lay it bare

X

"Mom…" Yamato spoke softly, trying to catch the attention of his mother, but no one else. The café was bustling, people crowded around every available surface space, everyone wishing to be served at that exact instant. "Mom…" He tried again, hoping she'd stand still for long enough to actually listen to him.

"That'll be $15 please." She smiled, taking the money from her most recent customer.

"Mom." He tried again.

"Next please." Mrs Ishida smiled, the queue at the counter lead almost to the door at the far end of her cafe.

"MOM!"

"Yea' can I have two burgers and chips please."

"Anything to drink?"

"One strawberry milkshake and one coffee please."

"That will be $11.50."

Becoming a little bored as he watch on, Taichi noticed that the loud speaker was still on. Although it may not have been the most romantic of notions ever to have cross his mind, it seemed like a good idea at the time. "This is a customer and staff announcement." Tai spoke clearly, yet the buzz of conversation continued. "This is-" he tried again, this time cut of by a baby screaming in protest to whatever it was that his mother was trying to feed him. "Can everyone please shut up for five bloody minutes?" This time silence fell over the room and all eyes turned to Tai. "Excellent." He mused for a moment, watching every face watch him. "Right, so this is the announcement; I love Yama and Yama loves me, so we're going to get married." Tai beamed, wondering if this was in fact the best of ways to go about letting people know. A look of disbelief mixed with amusement danced across Yamato's face as he shook his head slightly with a smile playing on his lips.

"What?" Mrs Ishida starred dumbly at her son as he stood before her smiling.

"We're going to get married." He breathed out slowly.

X

"_Thank-you."_

"For?"

"_Everything." Warm arms wrap around my tired body, allowing me to drift slowly away from my consciousness. _Just a little longer, I inwardly sigh as my breath becomes even. _"It's so beautiful out there Yama." I hear his voice whisper. He stands before me and moves towards the window where he re-arranges the pillows slung absently on the large sill. Sitting comfortably I watch as he run's his fingers along the glass, following the rain as it falls gracefully from the heavens. "I'm so small." He smiles, I can't see his face, but I can read the silent smile in his broken voice. "You're not though Yama, and you never will be." _

"Tai…"

And then he was gone, he'd left me all over again.

_October 21st_

_Not long to go now I suppose, not long until I lay myself to rest._

_Everything's ready, in order, not much left to do really. _

_This seems so strange, preparing a 'to do' list for the rest of my life._

_A few months, that's all, who knows exactly._

_I'm ready though, how could I not be?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Dum de dum, princes-Yama here. All apologies for the huge gap between my last updates and the recent ones. Been really busy watching my world fall to pieces. But all is now good so I am back. Here's chapter 8 for you all hopes you enjoy. Also if anyone knows of a good girl's name please email me cos me an my better half cant think of any, we've got Logan for a boy but we're at a loss for girls names, so please do help me. An just a warning to you all; Sad little geek's who sit in front of the computer all day doing not a lot are not immune to teenage pregnancy- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**Well, hopes you like.**

"_Hey there beautiful."_ A broken whisper forced its way through the darkness of my room, resounding endlessly through my mind. My head was pounding with a million memories I'd rather forget. Confusion, longing, grief, desperation, everything was engulfing me, leaving me helpless amidst a sea of broken hearts.

"Hey." I allowed myself to whisper back, mentally kicking myself for being so stupid. "I know you not here." I sighed.

"_It's nice to pretend sometimes though." _The voice giggled slightly, chocking on his own words.

"Matt?" Light from the corridor shone far too brightly across my darkened room as I sat cross legged on the window sill staring aimlessly out of the window. Momentarily my view became illuminated due to the opening door. I could see the broken tree house my father had erected when I was much younger; reminding me that nothing ever works out. "Can I come in?" silently I nodded. Footsteps sounded across my wooden floor as the welcome click of the door closing could be heard. "You alright?" Again I nodded silently; unsure if I was able to speak, silence seemed the easiest way out of even trying.

"I've been thinking…" Her voice trailed off. I could feel the warmth from her body as she climbed up beside me and took my hand in her own. "I was trying to put myself in your place, to try and understand how you must be feeling." Her grip tightened on my hand. Although it was too dark to see, and I could barely hear a thing, I knew tears were falling almost naively from her eyes. "I don't…" She swallowed hard on her words. "I don't think I even reached a tiny percentage of what it is you must be feeling." She lifted her hand for a second to dry the tears. "But I'm heart broken, just pretending to be you." She sighed then kissed me lightly on the cheek before allowing the room to drift back into silence as we both sat and stared at nothing. "Matt?"

"Yes?" I forced my voice, aware that this would be a question I would have to answer.

"You're going again, aren't you?"

"Maybe."

"Will you be gone for long?"

How could I answer, when I myself was unsure? So I left the question in the air, to fill the space between now and whenever all this ends.

X

"How are you feeling today Tai?" Asked a far too smiley nurse as Taichi and Yamato entered the surgery and stood waiting to be sighed in.

"I'm fine thank-you. How are you?" His ability to be a constant ray of sunshine never ceased to amaze Matt as he watched on. No matter how low, or ill he was feeling, Tai always but on a smile, always took the time to ensure every one else was alright, that everything was fine, despite his own personal hell.

"I'm good thank-you Tai. Important day today eh?" She smiled, ruffling his hair as though he were a small child.

"Yup, today's the day they give me drugs." He smiled. She laughed, more to herself than him before wondering off, to show another patient to the doctor's room. "What's you want to do when we're done here then Yama?" He grinned, excitement gleaming in his eye at whatever it was his plan for the day was.

"Dunno." Matt sighed, unable to keep up with Tai's enthusiasm to life. "What've you got planned?"

"It's a surprise." He whispered seductively in the others ear with a slight giggle.

"Good morning Taichi." A tall, slim doctor appeared from his office with a large pile of papers in his hands. "Yamato." He nodded with a smile. He took the papers over to the nurse's desk, and handed them to a pretty receptionist. "Follow me boy's." Gripping onto Matt's hand, Tai skipped down the corridor, turning every head as he passed. After all, it's not every day you find someone smiling or skipping merrily as a doctor leads them through the H.I.V clinic.

X

"Hello?" Mrs Ishida smiled wearing a light blue shirt and knee length black skirt.

"Good morning." A tall, muscular man stood in the door way of the Ishida house hold, a cigarette in one hand, an over loaded briefcase in the other. "You must be Mrs Ishida." He beamed, putting his briefcase on the ground he held out a hand for her to shake. "I'm Detective sergeant Hano Peters."

"Oh, of course. You must be here to see Yamato." She stood aside and welcomed him into there home, leading him up the stairs into the kitchen.

"I was actually hoping to speak to everyone. From what Yamato has told me I'm under the impression that you can all help with the investigation." He sat at the kitchen table.

"Of course." She nodded, handing the detective an ashtray. "Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee?"

"Just a glass of water please."

X

"Hey Mom." Mrs Ishida picked the boy's up from the front of the clinic at twelve noon, a suspicious smile playing on her lips.

"Hey, did everything go alright?"

"We got drugs, lots and lots of drugs." Tai groaned. Despite his excitement at the prospect of receiving pill's that would make him feel a little better, the realisation of just how many he would need to take somewhat dampened the excitement. Swallowing pill's was not a particular skill of his, they tended to get stuck in his throat, causing him to gag, which was pleasant for no one.

"Not to worry Tai, I'll put them in ice cream for you, then you won't even notice." She smiled. "How about you Matt? You feeling alright?"

"Yea' I'm fine." His grip on Tai's hand tightened. "What's this big surprise then?" Matt asked. "I presume you're in on it too?" he cocked his eye brow, laughing inwardly to himself.

"Of course your Mom's in on it." Tai laughed, winking into the mirror. "We're like, two secret agents or something, aren't we Mrs Ishida."

"Of course Tai." She nodded in approval.

"Come on then, what is it?"

"If we told you;" she started the car engine. "Then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it."

X

Please offer me no sympathy,

I can't afford your pain.

X

"_What hurts the most?" _I wonder if I'm losing my sanity, maybe it's already gone.

"What do you mean?"

"_What hurts the most? Losing me? Or losing yourself?"_ I stare desperately into the eye's I can not see, searching for meaning behind such simple words.

"But, I haven't lost myself?" I question his words.

"_Well, this isn't you." _Unfortunately he's right. I always thought of this festering wound as something meant solely for Tai. But, I suppose I've lost myself too.

X

"One, Two, Three!" Tai shrieked. "And Open your eyes!" Yamato's jaw dropped in wonder as he took in the sight before him. "Do you like it?" Tai giggled, twirling round beside his blond lover, as though he were a very novice ballerina with far too much enthusiasm

"Er…. What's it for?" Yamato arched an eyebrow out of curiosity as he saw no purpose in the thing that Tai and his mother had clearly wasted a fair bit of money on.

"We're going away for a bit." Tai announced proudly.

"What about school?"

"We don't need to go to school." Tai shrugged, feeling a little deflated at Yamato's lack of excitement. "Come on Yama, think about it." He mused. "You and me, just packing up, and getting away."

"School Tai." He reinforced his point.

"Well, it's nearly summer." Tai shrugged, defeated.

Turning to look at Taichi, Yamato smiled. He stood with his hands on his hips, examining the campervan he had just purchased. "Imagine it Yama;" his eyes gleamed with a joy meant only for child, meant only for those still naive to the world. "We're the only two people in the world, miles from any kind of civilisation, so that, just for a while, we can enjoy each other, we can stare longingly at each other, and just for a while, we can pretend that nothing else matters, cos, well, there's nothing else to worry about. Get what I'm saying?" Yamato had to laugh.

"Yea'." He kissed his forehead sweetly. "I get it baby."

"Let's go then!" he squealed, wrapping his arm's tightly round Yamato.

"Next week, Ok?"

X

Every moment seemed to matter a ridiculous matter. He treasured every second, dreamed of every possible tomorrow.

X

"Hello." On entering the kitchen for a much needed caffeine boost I found my mother sitting opposite detective Hano, a warm smile in her eyes.

"Morning." I slumped into the chair between them, reaching for the coffee. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here as I need a statement from everyone concerning the events leading to Taichi's death." His ability to speak in such a formal matter yet remain warm softened my usually hardened attitude when around figures of authority. I nodded as I sipped on my coffee. Hano chain smoked something I hadn't been aware of previously. Unfortunately every time he sparked up my mother did also, causing her to smoke a considerably greater amount than she usually would in the morning. "I hope it's alright that I've opposed myself on you all in your home."

"It's fine." My mother smiled. "It's actually nice to have some adult company round here for a change."

"Hey, I'm an adult." Takeru groaned on entering the kitchen.

"Course you are bro'." I sniggered to myself as the statement left his mouth. He's a real adult that brother of mine, standing there yawning in his dinosaur pyjama's.

"Who are you?" He asked motioning towards detective Hano.

"Unfortunately he has not yet learnt the art of politeness in the morning." I couldn't help but notice the look's they were giving each other. My mother appeared to be flirting with detective Hano, it was nice to see. "T.K this is detective Hano."

"Oh right. Hi."

"He need's a statement from you." I sighed, running a shaky hand through my hair.

"We've taken Mr Yagami into custody." I felt the coffee cup fall from my hand, spilling boiling coffee all over myself. I didn't matter though; all that mattered was processing the words he had just said. The cup fell from my lap and shattered into what I can only presume to be a million pieces.

X

Sitting in his mother's café Yamato sipped on a cola and picked at the piece of cake that had been placed before him a little over three hours previously. The cola had gone flat and what had originally been a hot fudge cake had gone cold and the cream had hardened slightly. His mind was racing, not a single clear thought entered his mind for any longer than a second.

"Try not to worry, he'll be fine." Mrs Ishida offered her son a reassuring squeeze.

"Mom, he's been gone for hours."

"He'll be fine." She repeated, unsure what else she could say.

The front door opened, causing them both to jump, turning to see who had come in. Hikari stood in the door way, tear's streaming down her cheeks.

Physically paralysed Yamato was unable to move. His breath, caught in his throat, his tear's unable to fall. A blinding light seemed to flash before his eyes, blinding him instantly, causing his head to inwardly explode.

Rushing over to Hikari's side Mrs Ishida took her into her arm's, whispering words Yamato couldn't hear, words he didn't want to ever have to hear.

"I'm so sorry." She chocked out.

**End of that one, till next time. Hopes you likes, although I doubt you did as that was the crappiest of the crappest. Love to you all xxx**


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